thespecialparent.comSpecial People Parenting Special Kids

25% of parents with Special Needs children have to significantly reduce their role at work or stop working.

A ‘recent’ survey (2005-2006) by the Health Resources and Services Administration which is a part of the US Department of Health and Human Services found that 14% of  all US children had special needs. Children with Special Needs was defined in this survey as as having or being at risk for:

chronic physical, developmental, behavioral, or emotional conditions that have lasted or are expected to last at least 12 months.

In this report there are 6 ‘Core Outcomes: Key Measures of Performance’

• Families of children and youth with special health care needs partner in decision making at all levels and are satisfied with the services they receive;
• Children and youth with special health care needs receive coordinated ongoing comprehensive care within a medical home;
• Families of CSHCN have adequate private and/or public insurance to pay for the services they need;
• Children are screened early and continuously for special health care needs;
• Community-based services for children and youth with special health care needs are organized so families can use them easily;
• Youth with special health care needs receive the services necessary to make transitions to all aspects of adult life, including adult health care, work, and independence

The reality is that on an overall basis we are failing this very prevalent population.  When you consider that to adequately care for our special needs children that ¼ of the population must significantly reduce or stop working all together to care for their children – something is just wrong.

I have been and continue to be one of that 25% who left work in order to care for my child. Could I have continued to work? Possibly. Let me see, I’m sorry boss person, I need to leave work on Monday from 9am-noon and Tuesday from 2:30 until close and Wednesday from 9am until 1:00pm and on Thursday from 3:00 until close and oh Friday – I can actually work a full day. And that is just this week. I’ll get you next week’s schedule by Wednesday. No problem? Awesome. Ya right. It’s why I’m at home now.

I held a good job, and it provided well for my daughter and myself. It’s actually the reason I’m in Georgia. Unfortunately, as Katherine’s needs escalated, my ability to maintain my job became increasingly difficult. It’s hard to be at work when you know your child is in a hospital and you aren’t there for them. It’s hard to explain to your boss why you need to leave a couple of hours early so that you can miss the traffic so you can actually make it to the hospital. And that’s just in a crisis situation – the day to day is just overwhelming some weeks. Four years later I’m doing better. With Katherine’s waiver providing some secure support, I might be able to go back to work part time at least but I haven’t reached that comfort level yet and with her brother here that’s kind of stalled that whole conversation. It’s amusing to me though the questions they ask for impact on family

• CSHCN (Children with Special Health Care Needs) whose families pay $1,000 or more out of pocket in medical expenses per year for the child
• CSHCN whose conditions cause financial problems for the family
• CSHCN whose families spend 11 or more hours per week providing or coordinating the child’s health care
• CSHCN whose conditions cause family members to cut back or stop working

Let’s see – you’re a single parent how do you think you’re going to do cutting back or stopping work while you have a special needs child? Can you say welfare? Can you say that this is nuts!! Honestly though some of these numbers seem insanely optimistic in terms of delivery of service. In any event it’s a report you should check out. The links below provide you with access to the Summary as well as the State by State data so you can see how your state did. There is a PDF available of the report. If you don’t already have it download your free copy of Adobe Acrobat reader to access the PDF. You’ll never be sorry to have that handy gadget piece of software – indispendible!

Summary of report
State by State data – see how your state did
National Survey of Children with Special Health Care Needs Chartbook
Free Acrobat reader

The reality is no matter how rosy a picture they try to paint there are far too many children and families being failed by this system. They deserve better. We deserve better. We need to tell those with the power to do something to do it.

…and a cup of coffee

Every Sunday I hope to offer you my version of the Sunday paper with articles from the past week or two, relevant or uplifitng (or both), on various issues within the special needs community.

Special Siblings
Photographer pays tribute to special needs sibling with one man exhibit.

Special Needs Dentistry
Clinic dedicated to doing dental care for those with physical and mental disabilities.

Park official to receive award for special needs work
Belief that sports and outdoor activities give those with special needs a new outlook on life drives recreation director to running therapeutic local programs.

Truly special aide is recognized
Elaine Crowley is recognized by the Federation for Children with Special Needs Community Partnership Award for her work as a paraprofessional in Massachusetts schools.

Notre Dame football coach’s wife writes on daughter’s health ordeal
Maura Weis writes on her experiences with daughter Hannah and her complex fight against Tassinaris syndrome

Special needs kids are gym dandy at Us Too
California mom solves need for gym class for a child with autism by starting one for her son and others like him.

The Truth About Autism: Scientists Reconsider What They Think They Know
Amanda Baggs a woman who is non-verbal and diagnosed with autism makes You Tube Videos which make both scientists and laymen rethink what they “think” they know about autism and its related disorders.

Despite disability, JHS senior will walk for autistic children
Florida High School senior Gregory Nemiroff  has Dandy Walker syndrome affecting motor skills and speech in various ways but is committed to walking in the local “Autism Speaks” Walk Now for Autism event.

The last great struggle – A pioneer views disability as the final frontier in civil rights
Keith P. Jones who was born with cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair, is a disability rights consultant and advocate as well as composer, producer and hip-hop performer.

…and a cup of coffee

Every Sunday I hope to offer you my version of the Sunday paper with articles from the past week or two, relevant or uplifitng (or both), on various issues within the special needs community.

Gymnastics Classes Bring Learning, Fun To Those With Special Needs
Gymnastics and Exercise class for children age 3 to high school give children the opportunity to participate in classes the exercise their minds and their muscles.

Disability Awareness Week
Idaho State University organizes a week of events to build awareness and create better understanding of people on campus and within the community.

Families to hold toy swap for special-needs children
A group of parents wanting a setting to hold a toy exchange for families of special needs children may have a larger event than originally planned.

Madison County special needs students to participate in ‘Big Hearts’ Pageant
The Extra Special People organization hosts and pageant spotlighting the abilities of people with disabilities.

Homeland Security Funds Grant for Special Needs
A federal Homeland Security grant is making emergency planning for people with special needs possible in this county.

For teen star of ‘Breaking Bad’, real-life disability is no obstacle
RJ Mitte provides unique authenticity to the disabled character he plays on AMC’s edgy new series Breaking Bad (Sunday, 10ET/PT)

For some parents, the emotional strain is greater
Dr. Rachel Bryant discusses the stages of mourning in relation to parents of children with special needs.

A first for Noelle; Schools’ behavior specialist honored for her work
District behavior specialist Noelle Neault honored for her outstanding work with youngsters in the Hanover Public School District.

…and a cup of coffee

Every Sunday I hope to offer you my version of the Sunday paper with articles from the past week or two, relevant or uplifitng (or both), on various issues within the special needs community.

Harry Potter to help some special needs muggles to achieve their dream
An autographed book by JK Rowling donated to be auctioned off to allow a group of special needs children to take dream trip

A disability is only a part of what makes me who I am
Wisconsin resident, Stacy Ellingen, does a commentary on not allowing disability to define her.

Hypocrisy of learning disability discrimination revealed
British poll reveals discriminatory attitude toward  those with disabilities.

NC’s Gonzalez refused to be pinned down by disability
Freshman born without part of an arm excels in wrestling at local high school

Gym helps special needs kids
Gym for special kids ages 2-5 in New Zealand provides early intervention and helps kids grow physically as well as socially

Company Receives Top Award to Help Work with Special Needs Children
Ireland Company James Leckey Design wins the 2007 Spark award for their work on adaptive equipment for children with special needs.

Thompson Middle School holds a very special dance
Prom held for special education middle school children at school in middle Georgia.

The FDA released a communication on Friday regarding the use of Botox, Botox Cosmetic  (Botulinum toxin Type A) and Myobloc (Botulinum toxin Type B). They have received reports where there have been adverse reactions including significant respiratory problems and even death. This release specifically mentions that most of the serious reactions that have happened are in children where the botulinum is being used to treat cerebral palsy associated limb spasticity.

Obviously this announcement has been winding it’s way through the disability community. It’s of critical importance that the message get out there and it’s why I am making it the subject of my post today.

First of all, while it is critical that this information get out there please note that the FDA has not yet concluded that the relationship is anything more than “casual” at this point. Basically this means that while the adverse reactions happened and the individuals had Botulinum treatments they aren’t sure what exactly caused these individuals to have the adverse reaction while others did not.

They also are not telling healthcare professionals not to continue prescribing or using these products. As they say in their statement

“The FDA is considering, but has not reached a conclusion about whether this information warrants any regulatory action.”

Meaning they don’t know whether they are going to regulate the use of these products differently than they currently do. They do however remind people that the use of these toxins for the treatment of limb spasticity (severe arm and leg muscle spasms) is not an approved use in the US.

Plenty of medications are used “off label” . Some of the best medications for certain diseases started off in an “off label” use. The reality is that many medications that children take for a variety of illnesses and disabilities are off-label because so many of these medications have not been tested in children under the age of 18.

The important thing is that you be an informed consumer. In using any treatment or medication you need to know what the pros and cons are. You need to know what the possible side effects are. Obviously the serious outcomes that the FDA is reporting are worth evaluating with your physician if this is a treatment either you or your child is using. As with any treatment weighing the benefits against the possible adverse effects is something you and the doctor must do and each situation is different.

If you are using this treatment make sure to go to this link, print the page out and go to your doctor with it. At the very least, if you are going to continue utilizing this treatment, make sure you understand warning signs and symptoms and you don’t hesitate to seek out medical attention if there are signs of difficulty swallowing or talking, trouble breathing or muscle weakness. These symptoms can show up either hours, days or weeks after the treatment so don’t think they aren’t related just because they show up weeks later – It could still be the botulinum.

Growing up I was fascinated by Helen Keller. I read EVERYTHING I could get my hands on about her. I wanted to know all I could about her. I wanted to understand what it was to be blind. I wanted to understand what it was to be deaf. I read all I could about being blind and deaf, about the various services available or anything else I could put my hands on. I learned some sign language, I watched the miracle worker every chance I could, I talked about teaching deaf or blind students. I talked about training service dogs.

Obviously that’s not the path I took. Like many other kids, I moved onto other things. My fascination with service dogs has never really ended though. Most people know about service (Guide) dogs  for the blind. Most have also heard about service (Hearing) dogs for those who are deaf. The reality though is that there is an incredibly diverse number of organizations who train dogs for a multitude of purposes!

Today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution has an article about service dogs for autistic children. The dogs are trained to intervene during behaviors, tether the child from being able to dart away during frightening or upsetting experiences, and interrupt repetitive behaviors. The dogs are also trained in search and rescue should a child get lost.

Maybe even more amazing than the fact that the dogs can be trained to perform these amazing and life saving tasks is probably the fact that for so many children the connection with the animal becomes a calming and “social” experience. These children who have such difficulties forming relationships seem to form one with their service dog. The mere presence of the animal for many seems to have an incredible calming effect for the child.

I think a dog like this could be an incredible help to Katherine. If I didn’t have such horrific allergies I’d get one for her too. Maybe as she becomes an adult and we try to give her a more independent living situation, maybe we could do it then. I think it would have some pretty significant benefits for her. Aside from the obvious service benefit, I’ve seen Katherine around animals. It has this amazing effect on her. I have yet to see something that duplicates that effect and this is why I think it would serve her so well to have one. There are dogs that are also trained to perform for multiple purposes which would be of great use to Katherine (and my peace of mind).

There are dogs for seizure assistance, diabetic response, physical assistance and even psychiatric service dogs. The big down side for many in obtaining a service dog is the price. Service dogs range in price from $3000 to well over $20,000. Financial assistance can be available so most organizations strongly suggest that if you have a need for an assistance dog to apply. Frequently local support can be used to fundraise. There are organizations out there who do NOT charge for the service dog. The cost is significant because not only is there a significant training period for the dog but then the human must be trained in how to utilize the dog as well. All this training costs money.

If you think that a service dog might be a resource you should investigate further some of these sites may be of use to you:

• Assistance Dogs International -  Tons of information regarding Guide Dogs (for the blind and visually impaired) Hearing Dogs (for the deaf and hard of hearing) and Service Dogs for people with disabilities
• 4 Paws for Ability -  autistic, seizure, hearing, mobility and multidiscipline dogs
• Canine Companions for Independence -  Service dogs and skilled companions
• Heaven Scent Paws -  Diabetic and seizure alert dogs
• Paws with a Cause -  hearing, service and guide dogs
• Psychiatric Service Dog Society -  information about psychiatric service dogs

The other day I showed you the chart we have with Katherine (the smiley face one) that charts certain tasks. We have used charts like that on and off for quite some time with Katherine. We learned about them when Katherine was getting ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) therapy. Over simplified ABA therapy behavior modification technique which uses positive rewards to target behavioral change.

This oversimplification makes it sound like bribery which it’s not. Think reward system. You get rewarded for performing well at work (paycheck) – this utilizes a similar technique. This type of system works very well for children with autism, PDD, TBI, ADD/ADHD or any diagnosis with challenging behaviors.

Think about it. People generally avoid negative input. Who remembers asking their parents for a spanking or grounding? Who wants to be yelled at or get a disapproving look from their boss, spouse or parent? While negative input will illicit behavioral change the problem is it rarely lasts long. With our kids concepts and lessons are typically that much harder to teach so longer lasting results are critical.

I don’t know about your child but Katherine thrives on attention. This becomes a problem because she really doesn’t differentiate between positive and negative attention….well to be more specific while she’d prefer positive attention but she’ll take what she can get and negative attention will suit her just fine if she isn’t getting the positive kind. This means we really need to have as many ways to give her positive reinforcements set in place as possible because positive gets more positive. Studies state that reinforcement (positive intervention) works far better than punishment (negative intervention).

Let me say that the training for this is not just for Katherine – it took a lot of retraining on the grownup (Mom, Dad, Stepdad, Grandparents) side of things as well. While I thought I always tried to praise her, I was also quick to punish or give negative input with infractions. The basic idea here is to become a proactive parent, one that rewards rather than reacts to undesirable behaviors. Sounds like a piece of cake – not quite as easy as it sounds but quite attainable. Even us “old dogs” can learn new tricks.

Exceptional Parent actually ran an article about positive parenting in the December 2007 issue. Here are the key things they offered about getting the results you want from positive reinforcement.

1. Catch kids being good – it’s easy to notice bad and take the good for granted. To be successful with this type of program you have to acknowledge and reward what the kids do right.
2. Reward the right behavior – the system should be used to get new behaviors or strengthen desired behaviors. Avoid rewarding behaviors that are already consistently appropriate.
3. Use variety and creativity – Keep it fun and interesting for you and your kids. Make sure your system is versatile enough to allow for creativity while maintaining consistent structure.
4. Avoid costly rewards – if the rewards are too expensive or too time consuming, they are difficult to fulfill and this will often result in inconsistency. One way to incorporate larger rewards is to award pieces of a puzzle or letters to form a word etc.
5. Be consistent in your implementation – The most important key to success is consistency. Develop and share the “rules” of the system and stick to it. Adjustments are fine, but avoid giving in to whining and begging.
6. It’s NOT bribery – You are promising something to your child to induce him to do something illegal, wrong or against his wishes. It’s a reward system and you are recognizing your child’s ability to do something right.
7. Have faith in the system – Give it time to work. Take time to evaluate problems and make modifications accordingly. Just like anything it takes time. Our typical kids will pick up on it faster than our special kids….it’s ok. Keep going. It works and it makes for a more pleasant environment for all.

In this article Exceptional Parent also highlighted a device called the Appreciation Station that might just work to help you implement such a program. I’m going to get one to try it with Katherine.

This is a really visual and tactile way of reinforcing the reward. Shaped like a treasure chest, tokens are used to retrieve capsules that are pre-loaded with any number of rewards – stickers, small items, coupons, puzzle pieces etc. It’s visually bright and appealing and I don’t know about you but my kids love any machine they can put something in and get a reward out of. They love all those little machines that dispense candy, gum, temporary tattoos, or drinks. This device comes with a DVD which offers tips and techniques for using it. It’s $49.95 plus $12.95 shipping. I’ve just ordered it so I’ll report back in a follow up my thoughts on the product and on how it does in accomplishing the goals.

Some of you are pretty new to being involved in the crazy maze of special needs parenting. When I first had my daughter Katherine and needed to understand medical terminology, I had a small hand up because I was an Emergency Medical Technician. This meant that I had some basic understanding of medical terminology, anatomy and first aid procedures. It came in handy. Not everyone is quite that fortunate. However by the time we got into physical therapy, occupational therapy and later on schooling, I was lost for quite some time. I used to joke that someone should have given me a dictionary to decipher all the alphabet soup that was being used to tell me things. Things I wanted to understand and needed to understand.

As I was researching information for an upcoming post, I stumbled upon that very resource. I’m pleased to announce that I have received permission from the source to repost The Dictionary for Parents of Children with Disabilities for your use. Special thanks go out to the South Dakota Department of Education/Special Education Programs who originally developed this resource for their kind permission to share this extensive resource with all my readers and the Sanford School of Medicine Center for Disabilities at the University of South Dakota who is in the process of updating it! The pdf requires that you have adobe reader to look at the file. This program is free at the Adobe website

Hopefully this tool will be valuable to you in navigating the maze and all it’s tricky terminology

The Dictionary for Parents of Children with Disabilities

In the final piece on estate planning I’m going to talk about the piece that honestly I’ve been dreading – probably because doing mine was such a struggle, so I don’t want anyone sitting there thinking I’m so perfect and organized.

It’s called a Letter of Intent or Life Plan. It’s purpose is two-fold. First is to provide a bunch of background information to a potential caregiver/guardian might need either because you are incapacitated (think significant injury that takes you completely out of the day to day for an extended period) or at the eventuality of your death. The second is to give this person an understanding of your hopes and desires for the future of your child. Things you’d like to see your child experience and achieve.

My attorney provided me with some great software to do this with yours may or may not. If not – THIS IS THE PLACE TO GO. It’s a ton of reading so I’ve taken the liberty to consolidating a bunch of it into a startup guide, using illustrations of what I’ve done to put together mine for Katherine to give you an idea of what to do. The Betterway Press gave me some good feedback when doing this for Katherine. I think you’ll find it useful as well.

While I did mine on the computer, you can certainly do yours in a notebook/binder.
Here are the sections you should have

• Background Information – Everybody’s name (this means yours, spouse’s, other children) Dates of birth, Social Security numbers.

• Advisors – Lawyers, Accountants, Insurance broker, investment advisors, bankers, other experts that help your child. For Katherine, this group includes her support coordinators for her waiver services as well as the support person, Sharon who makes it possible for us to keep Katherine at home. Make sure to include as much contact information for each of these individuals. I also made sure to differentiate as much between the different waiver coordinators and their roles as possible. Most people will figure out what the lawyer does;)

• Important Documents – where do you keep your estate plan (Wills, Living Wills, Healthcare Power of Attorney, Durable Power of Attorney, Special Needs Trust? Insurance policies? Bank accounts? Trust account? Safe deposit box? We have a banker that we use at our local branch who is familiar with us and the trust account and checking account blah blah – I have her name in here as well as in advisors. Where’s the key to the Safe Deposit box? I also have copies of medical insurance cards in here (front and back).

• Medical – yup this was one of the biggies – took me a lot of time – much of which is now also cross referenced with accessed to Katherine’s Medefile account. It should include:
  • A list of doctors, their locations, phone numbers (if you have a particularly useful contact in the office staff at a doctors office – list their name. If someone is taking over for your short term or long term they can leverage that to get additional help from someone familiar with your child.)
  • A list of vaccinations – you can usually get a copy of this from your pediatrician – just insert it into the file
  • Medications – a current list with dosages and times (along with special instructions on how to dispense like crush and put in applesauce); a list of medication allergies medications which may have been tried, for what, the results and side effects

• Diet – this can be as serious as gluten free diets or diabetic diets but should also include information about your child’s likes and dislikes. Katherine currently has some pretty restrictive guidelines because of her braces. The list of restrictions given to us by the orthodontist goes in here.

• Safety – for some kids this will be easy – for others really critical and intense. I’m guessing that a child with osteogenesis imperfect (sometimes known as brittle bone disease) it would be far more intense. For Katherine it includes the fact that sometimes her behaviors are self-injurious in nature and things to do to protect her as well as the fact that strangers is NOT a concept she does well. Being in public requires constant vigilance.

• Placements – where is your child in school? Do they live somewhere other than with you? Where do they work? Give as much history as possible and what your hopes are for the future. With Katherine we’ve talked about the schooling she’s received, private as well as public, the residential treatment and what we hope for her future in high school. I have current IEP information included in here as well as things I am hoping to get out of the school district; training and work and living situations for the future – some of this is with Katherine’s input.

• Hobbies and recreation – what does your child love to do? Favorite places to visit? Camps the attend? Parks to visit? Katherine has a couple of local parks she loves, loves going to the theater (one of the things she’ll actually sit still for) she loves going to the movies, you get the idea…

• Religion – what religion do you practice? Do you attend a particular church? Do you go regularly or are you what my mother would have called a submarine parishioner (surfacing for major holidays). Are there practices in service that your child has problems with or looks forward to participating in? Katherine wants to sit as close to the front as I let her and hold the hymnal – and ALWAYS goes up with the kids for the children’s sermon (even if she’s the oldest by about 7 years). It’s important to her and if she’s stopped from doing these things it can (and has) lead to problems.

• Finances – what resources are available for what. Trust accounts, savings accounts, government benefits? For Katherine I talk about the fact that she could qualify for SSI and how to go about that.

I also have another tab about Katherine’s waiver services. What it will do for her and what it won’t.  What hoops you have to go through annually to renew it, timelines, and phone numbers and emails of people who can help when some low level clerk in a position to wreak havoc inevitably loses paperwork, hits the wrong button on the keyboard or some other such thing which promises to screw up these critical services. You may need a tab for something specific to your child.

To start with get SOMETHING going. Anything is better than nothing. It’s overwhelming to try to sit down and do all of this at once (take it from me – did it and failed miserably!) I finally broke it into pieces and maybe this will help you. I got the contacts together for each section. Then I moved section by section and set an ½ hour at the end of the night for a couple of weeks and it really came together much easier.

Always keep in mind this is a work in progress. I try (note the word try) to revisit this monthly. The younger your child is the more often it’s likely to change. If you have chosen a guardian – go over this document during a quiet moment with them. Have them look it over and ask them if there is information they want included. Remember, the idea is that this is a blueprint for them to follow through with your vision and plan. Make sure it’s as helpful as it can be. Most of all don’t sweat it – broken into pieces this Letter of Intent is a piece of cake – with a cup of coffee:)

I recently read an article that discussed a study that found that some moms of autistic children may be prone to depression. I have to tell you that really aggravated me. Not because the statement isn’t likely true but as if parents of autistic children had a corner on the depression market. Anyone who is the parent of a special needs child realizes that any parent of a special needs child, mother or father, may be prone to depression. When a parent comes to the realization that their child may be different there is almost always a sense of guilt and/or loss that can become a more serious depression. More over, the type of disability the child has makes a difference as to the level of depression and accompanying social anxiety. One study specifically goes into the level of social anxiety in parents of children with mental illness. That’s one I can speak to.

I know that over the years I have become far more introverted than I ever was in my earlier life. I have a very tight knit core group of friends. I have had people reaching out to me and I can frequently feel the anxiety rise. The harsh reality is that many of those people would likely be lovely, kinds souls. It’s never who is imagined in my minds eye however. I have this gremlin who tells me how horrified they will be at Katherine’s behavior, how they will knowingly tell me that Katherine’s disabilities are my fault and my doing and make me the social pariah of the eastern seaboard. Unrealistic? Completely!

My gremlin is pretty good at talking to me and convincing me he knows all – some kind of omniscient green thing with bumps. Think Sesame Street on a bad acid trip (please people the acid piece is just expressive not actual) I’m guessing some of you have a “friend” like this who tells you similar things. Actually we all have a gremlin or two. The question is how to quiet the dang thing so he’s just aggravating background noise.

As a great therapist once told me, the voice only has as much power as you give it. I have the choice to listen to it and give it’s word credence. He also told me that the more I can distract this gremlin the better off I’d do. I do know this – the more I allow that gremlin to enter my thought process, the more anxious and depressed I become. Sometimes this only happens once every few months, some times it happens several times in a week. Kind of depends on a number of influences not the least of which is Katherine. This is especially true in a week where Katherine is having an especially rough time or I am battling windmills trying to get appropriate services in place.

The reality is I spend an overwhelming amount of my time focused in on how Katherine feels. How Katherine is doing. Getting Katherine what she needs, and so on that I really have to remember to dial in to how *I* feel. As it has been explained to me numerous times by that great therapist I don’t do anyone, especially Katherine, any good if I get myself stuck in the gremlin goo. (it’s supposed to be a visual, let your imagination run wild) This got me thinking about how I deal with this depression and how other parents can too.

For a long time I didn’t even acknowledge it was depression. I wasn’t depressed – I was having a rough day (ok, so what if they strung together for days, weeks or months at a time) For a time, I needed medication and therapy. I tell you this because maybe knowing there’s another mom out there who needed help will make you not feel so alone. By the time I came off the meds, my therapist and I had developed a varied list of things I could do to fight off the blues which we all inevitably feel from time to time to keep it from gaining control. Sometimes I have less than 5 minutes sometimes I have a couple of hours after the kids are in bed. Here’s my list of 10 things to combat the onset of depression for a starter. Feel free to use the comments section to add what you use to fight off the blues as well!

• Take a walk – or a jog – or a bike ride – any exercise at all will help. It doesn’t even need to be a long one. It actually releases endorphins which combat the blues
• Read – sometimes all it takes is a few minutes with my mind in a good novel to remove the negative and break the cycle
• Start a project – make sure the project can be broken into multiple pieces – your the mom of a special needs child – you’re not likely to have an 8 hour stretch you can devote to a project – scrapbooking, redecorating a room, reorganizing some files, start a garden – I started this blog.
• Sleep – if I have time for a nap – even a ½ hour can make huge differences in my outlook
• Take out a cookbook, find a recipe and dare to try something new
  Take a big pillow and scream REALLY loud into it – sounds ridiculous and you may feel like an idiot the first couple of times but the primal release it gives – well there’s nothing quite like it.
• Eat WELL – sometimes I realize my mood is because all I’ve had all day is a cup of coffee – I don’t mean BINGE – I mean make sure you’ve fed yourself a healthy meal to give you the energy your body needs.
• Cry – oh I know, that sounds ridiculous – but honestly it releases that pent up sadness in a natural way – you honestly can feel better just having a good cry.
• Help Someone Else – volunteer to help the elderly, work on a community service project, donate time to a food bank. Yes, your life is hard – there are different kinds hard. Helping someone else can give you a real boost.
• Music – listen to a favorite CD – better yet, sing and dance along. Ok, if you can’t sing and dance just don’t do it around anyone other than your 2 year old who will just love the performance no matter what!

Please keep in mind that there are symptoms to more a serious depression. According to the Royal College of Psychiatrists you are likely to be in a more significant depression if your feelings of depression don’t go away quickly and they are so bad that they interfere with their everyday life. If you are feeling 5 or 6 of the below feelings I would strongly encourage you to seek out further help if you:

• feel unhappy most of the time (but may feel a little better in the evenings)
• lose interest in life and can’t enjoy anything
• find it harder to make decisions
• can’t cope with things that you used to
• feel utterly tired
• feel restless and agitated
• lose appetite and weight (some people find they do the reverse and put on weight)
• take 1-2 hours to get off to sleep, and then wake up earlier than usual
• lose interest in sex
• lose your self-confidence
• feel useless, inadequate and hopeless
• avoid other people
• feel irritable
• feel worse at a particular time each day, usually in the morning
• think of suicide.

Taking care of our kids is a HARD job. Taking care of yourself is critical to your child’s well being and overall success. Talk to a spouse, trusted friend or clergy member if you are experiencing the problems above. They can help you find your way to the proper help. It’s NOT weakness. You did NOTHING wrong. You CAN overcome it with the proper help.